May 2007 – The Groft Zoo

A Tessa Funny

Scene – Jay is fixing the downstairs toilet.

Tessa: Why did Jesus create Toilets?

Jay: Actually God gave us the brains to invent toilets, the kind of toilet we use was invented by a man named John Crapper.

Tessa: Did he know his name was a bad word?

A Mother’s Day Card from James

Front: A mother’s day riddle: Why did the mom cross the road?

Inside: No one could tell, really. She was mumbling to herself about peace and quiet. She circled the block a couple times and came back a lot happier.

Return of the Vomit-Monster

No, not me… poor little Max has a stomach virus.

Last night I had trouble going to sleep, good thing too. At about 11:30 I heard Max cough once or twice and figured that he was chugging his water too fast. But after a few minutes, even though he was VERY quiet, I could tell he was awake and standing up in his crib. (Because you know, the crib just sounds different when they are standing. I don’t know how I knew, I just knew he was standing up.)

So I went in to him and there he was standing at the end of his bed, very quietly and patiently. I said, “Time to lay down now.” and he (pacifier in mouth) just pointed to his pillow. At first I thought it was a wet spot and his sippy had come open (wouldn’t be the first time!) and then I saw his sippy, nicely closed, sitting right at the side where I had put it before he fell asleep. Then he started to retch again and I realized what it was. Ugh.

I caught the remainder of the puke with his blanket and set him on the floor so I could strip his bed. Of COURSE we only have one crib sheet and mattress pad! I ran it downstairs, pillow and all and, by the grace of God, I had actually left the washing machine, not only empty, but standing OPEN when I finished the laundry last night. I shoved the stuff in (pillow and all – if washing didn’t ruin it the puke had so I figured why not?)

We got the boy settled on a blanket on our floor for the rest of the night. You could tell he felt so yucky but he never complained or whined once. He threw up two more times but then slept nice and late.

Hopefully that was enough to get it out of his system! (But I am not holding my breath!) I just feel so bad for the little guys who just don’t know WHY this is happening to them!

Circus Freak?

Sideshow Jen here, reporting in with the gobstopping idea of having a seventh child.

Last Friday at a party I was in a group of women and one asked me if we knew the gender of this baby yet. I told her yes, it is a girl. She just said, “Wow, you’ve kept up this boy girl boy girl thing really well!” Another mom standing somewhat within the conversation said, “Wait, did I just hear that right? You have *FOUR* children?”

Um no, I told her, we are having our seventh. I swear to God it fried her brain, right there and then.

I don’t want any more comments. When people ask me if this is my first, I just answer no. I don’t offer any more information than that. No, it’s not my first. That does, in fact answer the question they asked, right?

Maybe I am just feeling grouchy tonight because this week I have had several people find out this is number seven and proceed to tell me how THEY would NEVER do THAT. X number of kids is PLENTY for them. It’s not the statement itself that bugs me; it’s how they speak about their children, often right in front of them, as if they are just so awful that having them around convinced them it wasn’t a good idea to keep going.

Oversensitive? Jumping to conclusions? Yes, I fully admit it. I honestly do try to give these people the benefit of the doubt. Having a large family is not for everyone. And I am no saint for doing it. It is just that this same scenario plays itself over and over. I probably was that person at one time. If you got me on an overwhelming day when I felt like I was swimming full speed up stream and only losing ground… some days I still feel like that. But aren’t our children ALWAYS gifts to us? Even on horrible days, I don’t think that idea ever gets too far away from me. What if, God forbid, one was taken from me? I had a nightmare about that very thing just the other day and it chilled me to the bone.

I have a large family because each time it seemed like there was room in our hearts and family for one more. That’s all really, nothing saintly or mind boggling.

(And yes, we are Catholic, and believe strongly in the Church’s teachings on and birth control, but that does not automatically equal a large family.)