Category: Tessa

A Blast from the Past

A friend bumped a post I had put up in October of 2002 on the NFP board. I wanted to save it here.

Here is my letter to Deacon Dr. Bob, an abreviated version of our story:

Dear Deacon Dr. Bob,

I hope this autumn is finding you well. The weeks have slipped past quickly since we met you at the St. Joseph Conference in Long Beach. It was such a privilege to hear you speak and to introduce you to our miracle baby. Enclosed is the picture we took with you and Tessa, and we wanted to tell you a little bit of our story and how we came to hear you in the first place.

First a little background about us: We are Jay and Jenni G. We got married right after high school – and after our first child was born – in 1990. Three more children followed about every two years and in 1994 I (Jenni) became Catholic after growing up in a Baptist home. After our fourth child, Jay had a vasectomy. We knew the Church taught against it, so we didn’t even consult with a priest, but we thought that we were justified because I have VERY bad morning sickness, requiring IV fluids for 3 months each time and leaving me pretty much incapacitated for the entire first half of the pregnancy. We feared for my health, and baby number 4 had been an NFP “oops” because we hadn’t been disciplined enough to follow the rules. We went on with our lives, very contented cafeteria Catholics.

Then in the summer of 1999, we decided to move from Phoenix, Arizona to Louisville, Kentucky. We had always talked about doing it and decided that now was the time. Jay has some family there, and we really felt “called” to make this move. Everyone thought we were crazy. We had 9, 7, 4, and 2 year old children and here we were selling our house, Jay was quitting his job and we were moving across the country because we FELT like it.

On October 8, 1999, we set out with our family and all our belongings with no idea of the journey God had in mind for us.

Once in Louisville, Jay got two jobs, we moved into a tiny little house, and I resumed our home schooling. Fall set in and the days were dark and chilly. Jay was working all day at one job and then again for about 6 hours in the middle of the night. He was exhausted and I was feeling isolated and depressed.

I met another home schooling mother who was a former Catholic and she asked me to come with her to her (huge) church’s Wednesday night program. They had classes for the kids and a worship service for the s. For me, it was a way to get out of the house and a comfort to be surrounded by the kind of songs and preaching I had been brought up with. I was so lonely; I desired to know Jesus better, to learn about the bible, and to grow in my faith. This seemed like a good way to do it. Slowly I began to doubt my faith as a Catholic. While I was still going to mass on Sundays with our family, my heart was no longer there. I had questions about my Catholic faith, but I didn’t seek out any answers, I just assumed they weren’t there.

My best friend in Phoenix called me one day and told me she had recently read a book, it was a novel, but it convicted her to start saying the Rosary daily. She asked me if I would commit to do it too. I told her that I was no longer sure if I believed in things like the rosary, that I really just wanted to stick to the Bible only. Poor Kathi was blown away, she knew I had been depressed, but had no idea what kind of effect it had had on my faith. She told me she would pray for me and urged me to order the books and tapes she had gotten for free from the Mary foundation.

It took me a while and a few more gentle urgings from her (and probably lots of prayer) but I eventually did order Pierced By a Sword, Conceived Without Sin, House of Gold, and all of the Mary foundation’s tapes.

Oh boy, I bet that UPS guy had never held in his hand such a life-changing package.

I sat down and read Pierced in less than two days. I think my poor kids had cereal for breakfast, lunch and dinner those two days! The next morning I woke up at 5:30 am and said the first rosary I ever said by myself. It was like a whole bucket of grace was dumped right on my head that morning and I have never been quite the same.

Through the next days and weeks, Jay and I listened to the tapes, some alone and some together. I was very moved my Scott Hahn’s conversion story and began seeking answers to the questions that had nagged my mind, now knowing that I could confidently search.

One afternoon, Jay was at home and had all of our tax stuff spread out across the living room floor. As he was sorting it he was listening to “The Secret to Happy Families” with the headphones. About half way through he took off the headphones and asked me if I had listened to that tape. I told him I had not. He said, “You have to listen to this one, it is not what you think it is about!”

He came to me after finishing the tape and said words I never would have believed would have come from his mouth. “I want to have more babies with you.”

Believe me I listened to that tape as fast as I could. No one had ever told me that it was a normal thing to continue to want children. I thought I was selfish and immature because even with four, I loved the thought of a new baby. We also recognized right away the effects the vasectomy had had on our marriage and our relationship. It was so much easier to simply use one another when fertility was removed from our union. It only took us about two days to decide that we needed to go to confession, and that we wanted to pursue a Vasectomy Reversal.

Due to financial stress and unemployment we moved back to Phoenix in March of 2000. The financial and emotional toll of our trip to Louisville had been steep, but the blessings we received were even bigger.

In a tremendously grace filled trip to New Braunfels, Texas in August of 2000, Jay had his vasectomy reversed.

We spent the next ten months desperately praying to be blessed again, dreading the thought that because of what we had done we may never have another child. But in June of 2001, we conceived. We were being blessed again.

Like with all my other pregnancies, I got very sick. I was in the emergency room with severe dehydration by 7 weeks along. By 11 weeks, they had to give me a PICC line, since I was blowing out my IV too fast. I remained on IV fluids until 21 weeks, when I was slowly weaned off of them. It was very hard on our whole family, but this time the sacrifice seemed so worth it and bearable for the sake of our little blessing.

On March 20, 2002, Therese Marie was born at 4:44 am weighing 8lbs, 8oz. We call her Tessa. Her brothers and sisters are delighted with her. They have repeatedly thanked us for giving them a little sister, and Benjamin (5 years old) wishes he could marry her. She has truly shown us what a gift life is.

We thank you so much for your part in “The Secret To Happy Families.” That tape has truly changed our lives.

God Bless You,
Jay and Jenni
Jenni
Wife of Jay, mom to Paisley-12,
James-10, Posy-7, Ben-5,
and Tessa-3/20/02

Just a Normal Wednesday

Day three with no car. The only thing good about that is that DH took the need for Air Conditioning very seriously and got it right in to get fixed. But I am stuck still.

We got the security system last night and installed it. Ahhhh, I cannot tell you the relief. Now I just have to figure out how to use it.

Max is being really cute right now. He is pushing his step stool up to each light switch and turning them on and off. Then he turns it off and moves on to the next one. He won’t let me change his diaper (not that I am trying very hard) because he doesn’t want me to take his feet pajamas off. He cries and throws a fit every day when I take those off him to get him dressed.

Yesterday was Tessa’s birthday, we gave her a princess bike and a princess helmet. I would have taken a nice picture of her yesterday but I never got around to brushing her hair.

I feel nauseated. It toned down quite a bit for a week or so but I am having a bit of a relapse. What really stinks is that my body can’t tell when I just need to burp, it thinks I am going to throw up. So I get this HUGE wave of nausea that has me dizzy and sweating, when all I need to do it release a tiny little burp and then I am fine.

So today I will just sit tight here in the house, maybe I will feel good enough to tackle the laundry a bit, and the kitchen. And if we get the car back (Please, God!) then we will go to the church soup supper and I won’t have to make dinner.

Away in a Groft House (Our Christmas Card to You)

Away in a Groft house the littles are in bed.
The family’s all home and the kitten’s been fed.
The older kids fight over internet time
But all must be turned off by the ten o’clock chime.

Jay loves to sing and can be seen on TV,
Cantoring masses for homebound to see.
Testing underground tanks, he works hard outside,
We think he’s the best dad to be found worldwide!

Jenni makes rosaries and sells them online
Check out her website when you have the time!
She drives back and forth, lots of time in the van,
But she’ll snuggle down with a book when she can.

Paisley’s a junior and now she can drive
We pray every day that she gets home alive.
She’s super involved both at church and at school
She directs a kids’ choir, they all think she’s a jewel!

James is a freshman and doing so well,
Always wants to arrive long before the first bell.
He works on his music most every day,
Piano bass and guitar he is learning to play.

Posy’s in sixth grade; she’s getting so tall,
Childcare and housework – she helps with it all!
She loves shopping and movies and fashion and crafts,
Her quick wit and smile always bring us all laughs.

Ben is in third and he’s always outside
He walks and he skates or goes for a bike ride.
He likes to play game boy but still loves to read,
His mind and his body are growing like weeds!

Tessa is four and she sings in the choir,
She loves to dress up in her princess attire.
She talks all the time or at least so it seems,
She fills up our days with her bright, warm sunbeams.

Max will turn two on this Christmas Eve
‘tween tempers and climbing he may not see three.
His blue eyes, they twinkle, his pink cheeks, they shine,
Climbs in bed with a passy with nary a whine.

Our hope is that Christmas brings with it much cheer,
Our prayer is for good health and happiness next year.
Remember the season’s about Jesus’ birth,
And we are the reason he came down to earth.

Tessa’s Aspirations

A conversation Jay had with Tessa:

Tessa: I wish I could just die.

Jay: Why, Tessa?

T: So I can go to heaven of course, don’t you want to go to heaven?

J: Yes, I want to go to heaven, but I want to do what God had planned for me here first. Plus if you die you can’t do things like grow up and be a mommy.

T: Yeah. I think I want to be an [ant].

J: You could be an aunt in a few years when paisley has kids, you will be their aunt.

T: No dad, I want to be an ant, a BUG.

Just Another Day in Paradise

Ben is reacting to Amoxicillin. The kids told me on the way to school that he was covered with a rash. So I took him in to the nurse who wasn’t there. I decided to take him home since he might be uncomfortable and I wanted to get some benadryl into him.

I got home, called the Dr office who told me NOT to give him the benadryl just yet, but to bring him in and let them check the rash. No point in putting him down as having a allergy if it is something else, right? Still, that makes for an 18 mile round trip (yes, I counted it out!) at $3.15 per gallon (in our gas guzzling, 11 mile-per-gallon van) for them to tell me what I already know: penicillin allergy. And poor Ben. He has to miss Buck-a-Jean-Day for this. (He doesn’t seem terribly distraught; he settled right down into watching Dragon Tales without a lick of complaint.)

Max, that precious, happy, jabbering, baby-signing toddler, is standing on my last nerve when it comes to night time and sleep. Last night he resumed his Head-Butt-of-Love routine, giving me a bloody lip in the middle of the night. I think he blasted Jay too, but I am not sure since I was trying REALLY hard to pretend to be asleep so Jay could deal with him for a bit. (Not that he ever shirks that duty, he shares it pretty equally. But hey, I was injured, right? Don’t I get to sit on the bench for a little while for an injury?) So I consider again the idea of sleep training. But to be honest with myself, I can’t give up the rocking and nursing to sleep. It is such a peaceful, cozy, cuddly time. Except when it’s not and Max decides that even though he is drop dead tired he will fend off sleep until either his last drop of energy is spent or mine is. Then it is not so fun.

Paisley has decided that barring any formal, planned family activity, she has no use for being home, except maybe to do her laundry and dump some papers on the table. Is it really in the Teenager’s Bill of Rights that they should be allowed to go out any time there is not special family time planned? Yeah, I didn’t think so. Some kind of limit needs to be set. Especially since the rides are still coming from us. Jay and I will have to discuss this one. I think we might have some time to sit down and do that in August. Maybe. In the mean time, surly, fit-throwing teenagers don’t get rides anywhere. At least not until their attitude changes and they do some chores. Lots of chores.

James was offended that he didn’t get TWO full days off of chores and school work for his birthday. When I informed him that he was luck he got ONE full day off he exclaimed that I just didn’t understand. You betcha I don’t. I don’t claim to understand any of this anymore. Was I really this difficult? (Oh yes and then some!) But he has cleaned up his attitude a bit since then. Removing all privileges does that to a kid. Then add in the carrot of getting to spend the day with Nana (who will probably buy you lunch) and it’s all good again.

Let’s see, who have I not updated on yet? Tessa and Posy! Tessa is so very FOUR and spends all her time playing doll house and begging me to play it with her. But when I play doll house with her it is really just me playing doll house for her entertainment. I have to do all the talking and figure out what the characters are doing. She just sets up the scenes and tells me when it is morning and night. I worry that I am misshaping her idea of play by my doing this, but what is a mom to do? Never play? There is just always some way to worry about them and some new way to wreck their lives and send them into permanent therapy later.

Posy is busy and getting more grown up every day. She is 11 now, and if I remember correctly it will be sometime this year that I will look at her and she will have changed from a little girl to a young lady overnight. For now, I just cherish these last few moments of being smarter than she is and of her being willing to play and do childlike things. The hourglass is running out on childhood for her.

Me, I have just been trying to get enough done around the house to justify sitting down to some scrapbooking or rosary making. neither has happened in forever. This past week has been a gathering up of all my homeschool books and getting ready to sell them. I have no idea where the funding for catholic school will come from for next year, but even if that doesn’t work out I don’t think I am going to homeschool any more. It just became too much for me and I wasn’t doing a good job. I am NOT of the mindset that poor homeschooling is better than public schools. Homeschooling was good for our family while it lasted and then it just wasn’t going to work any more. Selling the books is my way of letting go. Mostly I feel good about it but there is still that panicky feeling of burning that bridge behind me.

Poor, hard working Jay. Summer has set in here with our first official 100 degree day. Since he works outside the first couple of weeks are always the hardest for him. 100 degrees doesn’t actually describe the conditions he works in, since the official temps are taken in the shade over grass. Jay actually works in the sun over concrete or asphalt. It is so much hotter for him. We have stocked up on Power Ade during that last sale but that is small comfort to him, I’m sure. But still he will suffer outside every single day so that our family can eat and live in comfort. Thank God for his sacrifice!

Gems from Tessa

The other day Tessa asked if God lives in our bodies or if we live in His. I told her that God doesn’t have a body because He is a pure spirit. She answered that He must live in all of us then.

Yesterday Tessa was visiting at a friend’s house. The mom asked her if she wanted to watch Toy Story. Tessa’s reply was, “Um, that is kind of BOYISH.”

January: The Month of Change

One year has passed since our fire, and what a year it has been. The last claim has been submitted and with the last check (Oh, when will it come?) we hope to put this chapter in our lives behind us. We lift up our eyes and look towards the future finally and not on what has happened in the past. We can take stock of where we are now and not where we were before the fire.

James is still dealing with some pretty severe depression. He is being treated for that. I have also had to reevaluate who I am and what direction I am going, and so have been in therapy myself.

We decided at the beginning of this month that Posy and Ben really did belong at their school. They started attending again in the fifth and second grades. They are very happy there and we think that our time of homeschooling is coming to a close. They are so happy to see their friends every day, and I am very relieved to have the complete burden of their education off my shoulders. Homeschooling has been a blessing for our family. But we always said we would do it only as long as it was the right choice for our family. It no longer is. So we move on.

Paisley is doing great! She has one of the leads in the school play, Bye Bye Birdie, this Spring. She is sharing the role of Kim with another girl. She has moved into another honors class and is getting fabulous grades.

Tessa and Max miss Posy and Ben during the day. But we have had some fun on our own. Tessa’s favorite pasttime is to play dress up. Max’s is to climb and dismantle anything in his path. He has learned a couple of baby signs now: More, please, eat, nurse… we are trying to teach him more, but he is pretty stubborn!